Dear Transgender Prostitute: Why did you have to take my bag?

Dear Transgender Prostitute

I picked you up, you looked legit. Alright, it was a little late, 2 am, and it was in the Tenderloin. Larkin and O’Farrell doesn’t produce the best of customers even during the day. But, I’ve encountered people a lot weirder than you so I figured it was worth a shot. And, most of your transgender prostitute brethren are neither thieves nor scoundrels and treat me politely with usually gracious tips. I should have realized you were fishy when you changed destinations twice.

Listen, I understand that we all have to pay the bills and all, but why did you have to take my bag? It’s not that I lost valuables, it’s just that I have to now replace all this crap.

Next time, maybe you can ask me something innocent like, “Gosh, what do taxi drivers keep in their bags?” Undoubtedly, you solved this bland riddle to your disappointment shortly after I dropped you off at 11th and Howard. I’ll fill in our online readers who aren’t as unabashedly curious as you:

  • A Thomas guide map ($30 new, well worn and torn — worth $5 if anything)
  • A few AAA maps of the surrounding regions ($10)
  • A taxi guide book giving street intersections ($7)
  • A tire pressure gauge ($3)
  • A cassette audio input adapter ($4)
  • The bag ($10 at Target)
  • A library book (I’m curious what SFPL will charge)

Fantastic, now I get to waste a whole afternoon replacing this junk. And for what? Maybe you’ll make $10 off of everything, not including the $6 fare you paid me. Four bucks?

What did you think was in there? Do you think cab drivers stuff wads of cash in their bags? Do you think I’m rolling around the Tenderloin with a MacBook Air in my bag? Wrong!

Thanks a lot, man. (lady?)

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4 Responses to Dear Transgender Prostitute: Why did you have to take my bag?

  1. Anthony says:

    That sucks man. It’s a sad day when transgender prostitutes have to resort to stealing to make a living. Wait a minute…

    But seriously, while the biggest loss you probably incurred (outside of the time you’ll spend to get new maps and stuff) was the library book replacement fine, at least you have yet another crazy amazing story. A story about how a manwoman hooker stole your bag? Comic gold. This will give you a good story for bars, dinner parties, other cab rides, and dates for the rest of your life. Hopefully that can be of some consolation.

  2. Pingback: Driving highlights « kfarr

  3. Julius says:


  4. kfarr says:

    @Anthony: You’re right, this is a story to tell for years to come.

    I always thought I wasn’t a great story teller, but this job seems to make a story teller out of anyone!

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